True Confessions: I am Frodo

…more on self-crucifixion…

I finally figured out what’s wrong with me. I am Frodo. I am just like Frodo. I will always do what Frodo ultimately did. Here’s what he did:

He dutifully carried the evil ring, with its growing weight, hundreds of miles. For more that a year he voluntarily carried it through peril and against foes more terrible than he could imagine. He received help, often unexpected help, and encouragement from many quarters. His intentions were good and noble, but his soul was seduced by the allure of the ring. In the end he took it all back, all the good intentions, all the noble motives. Ultimately he couldn’t follow through with the one action that actually mattered. Finally he stood inside Mt. Doom on a promontory overlooking the great fires, the only fires that could destroy the evil ring. But he hesitated and did not throw the ring into the fires.

Instead he decided that the ring was too beautiful, too precious and he could not bring himself to destroy it. And he felt and thought “ after all, the ring is mine.” And Frodo chose to keep the ring for himself and not destroy it even though he had exhausted himself in bringing it to this place.

The ring is like the sin nature. I am like Frodo. I can spend years in church studying and learning with the intention of one day, or little by little, crucifying the flesh. I can coexist with the intention and purpose of learning how not to live according to my sinful nature.

But in the end, when the test comes, I cannot do it. I cannot willingly abandon the old nature. The alluring false promises of self-fulfillment and soulful-pleasure and final self-completion, and the possibility of touching wholeness in the here and now - not in the hereafter - are too beautiful. Besides, I want all the earthly joys and pleasures for my own.

Death to the old self: Like anything else important in my life, I need someone to do this impossible task for me. I cannot betray my own desires and so-called “needs.” I cannot crucify myself. I refuse. I choose not to do it. Like Frodo.

Who can help someone like me? Where is encouragement? Where is hope? Where is the happy ending? How can I, who fail every significant test, who nurture and protect selfishness in my heart, who want the illegal but beautiful things, how can I be saved?

Is there a hero who champions the cause of losers? Is there someone who will destroy my sinful nature for me? Instead of me? Because I can’t do it myself???

Do you know anyone like that?

Respond, if you please,

-The Gospel Crank